Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
