Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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