All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
