Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
