there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
