lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
