Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
