i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
