i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
