it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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