found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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