it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
