i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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