i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
