Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
