He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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