Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize