We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
