This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
