My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
