Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
