Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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