3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
