We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
