You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
