you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
