It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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