i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
