I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
