somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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