There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it hurts more in the daytime
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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