Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
