In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
