Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
