how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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