and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
