In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
