You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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