my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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