y did u give ur computer a hand job?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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