That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I love you. Go after that dick
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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