i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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