Moan for me like Helen Keller
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
