if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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