my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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