taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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