you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
