Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
