apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
