Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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