new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
