I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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