Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
