there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
