He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
