i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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