i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
