Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
