Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
