Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
