I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
