my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize