Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
