I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
organizing the empties. That sober.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
