He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
