I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
