It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
