I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
