what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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