I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
