i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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