I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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