My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
