I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
