Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
