I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
