I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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