Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
