okay pat passed out under dana's car
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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